Of all the cars one thinks of when only a hundred examples will be brought into the country, a Suzuki Swift most likely won’t pop into your mind. And yet, when I strolled down to the parking lot when informed a Suzuki had arrived for me to road test, I popped open the door and right there next to the drivers seat was a polished plaque, 81 of 100. Taken aback slightly, I kept my mouth shut, it is after all sort of my job to know stuff like that, I’m supposed to have my ear to the ground in this industry, and hence should’ve known. I didn’t, but think this was for the best nonetheless, no preconceptions of an awesome limited edition hot hatch filled my mind, I was a blank slate.

Which most certainly improved my appraisal of the Swift Sport, because I thoroughly enjoyed my time with the Swift Sport, but had I been expecting a performance hot hatch, I would’ve been thoroughly disappointed. The simple fact about the Swift Sport is that it isn’t that quick, not when considering it costs as near as makes no difference 200k, there’s plenty of machinery hovering around that price point that will out drag and out turn the Swift Sport. It is fun though, probably why I enjoyed it, and so will 100 customers, just don’t expect to have your socks blown off.

Suzuki South Africa are only bringing 100 Swift Sports into the country

In fact, if Suzuki wants to make a red blooded sports car, which you know, is implied, by calling this model a ‘Swift Sport’, and making it red, and giving it a rear wing, this will do, but only just. If you want to judge the Swift Sport as a downsized sports car, you’ll find that the engineers weren’t entirely sure what that means so they read some magazines to see what constitutes a sports car, and then glued those bits onto a Swift. So there’s a rear wing that serves no practical purpose but looks good, on it went. Big wheels with low profile tyre’s, finished with some very nice rims, on those went too. Splashes of red all over the interior matching the red exterior, we’ll have some of that, and don’t forget the bucket seats with strong side support to really envelope you when cornering hard. It’s even slung rather low with fairly big twin pipes, so yeah, it definitely looks like a sports car.  The package then absolutely looks the part, the Swift Sport looks fast and purposeful, and will catch a few looks of approval from passerby’s, so gets my thumbs up for aesthetics.

It's red and has a superfluous rear wing, confirming it is a hot hatch

The problem with this haphazard approach to car design is that one can’t just look at some pictures and then as if by alchemy produce sports performance gold. It’s easy to look at a picture and see how everyone else has rear wings, and then put one on your own creation. But no, you can’t just extrapolate the engineering in the same manner. Suzuki sure as hell tried though. The ride then is hard, because that’s what fast cars have of course. The suspension is stiff with little damping, and seemingly every foible in rough roads, which is pretty much every road nowadays, is felt in your kidneys. In fact I would go as far to say that if like me your retirement plan is to sell a kidney on the black market, don’t get the Swift Sport, you’re going to be damaged goods, which could hurt your kidney retail value. That’s probably not entirely relevant, granted, but it is relevant in the fact that too harsher ride can actually hurt handling. The Swift Sport with its concrete flex ride does grip nicely in the corners, but with our snafued* and rough road surfaces the Swift Sport seems to bounce along at times instead of sticking resolutely to the road. This is of course because the setup is too hard, a more compliant suspension would do better for the Swift Sport I think, but when the road is smooth is does work well enough, so I guess it’s just about choosing the right corner and applying the right amount of hooliganism. The steering lacks feel unfortunately, which can be a hinderance in the corners, but it does turn in very nicely if you just trust it and hope for the best. It’s direct for sure, but I fear that the first sign of understeer for several Swift drivers is the hedge they just drove into.

More red, can't go wrong with that

The interior build has received similar ‘sporty’ thinking, in that it’s fairly bare. To save weight no doubt. There aren’t even any mats! There’s the standard radio/cd sound system, air con, and, well that’s it actually. No wait, electric windows are part of the package too, and an ESP button that I’m not entirely convinced is actually connected to anything.So it’s like an F40, road, seat, arse, that’s it, pure drivers car, except that its not. The interior build quality is poor, acceptable in an F40, not so much in the Swift Sport I’m afraid, the materials are cheap and plasticky, the result is a squeaky ride with quite a bit of road noise, not helped by the firm ride no doubt. The experience isn’t ruined by any means by the less than premium feel of the Swift Sport, but for 200k, as before, there is plenty of competition with far better build quality. Still, the bare minimum stripped out nature helps with weight, critical in a sports car, the kerb weight is 1030kg, still too high in my opinion, but the modern car is a heavy beast so I guess it’s an admirable job.

Place turbo here

Then there’s the engine, which is an odd one, especially up here without the oxygen our hippie brethren enjoy at the coast. The 1600 engine isn’t a turbo, it’s nat-asp, I know, shocking in this day and age. And yet the power is rated 92kW, impressive, you will lose a disproportionate amount of that up here, but that’s not the problem. The problem is the same you’ll find in many small engines tuned for performance without the benefit of forced induction, that is high compression ratio induced lack of much at all low down in the rev range. The Swift Sport is essentially dead below 5000rpm, a point backed up by the spec sheet; peak torque of 148Nm only arrives at 4800rpm, and peak power of 92kW only makes an appearance at an ear bleeding 6800rpm (engine note isn’t the best). Which is not a problem, for some. The problem is that with everything you want so high up, you don’t spend a lot of time there unless making a deeply concerted effort, and hence the Swift Sport will often be out dragged by cars weaker on power, because they get their power more of time. The common method of building revs and then simply dropping the clutch just won’t work, you’ll just bog down horribly when the revs drop. The solution is of course maintaining high revs and judicious use of the clutch to carefully mete out the power, okay when you’ve only got the car for a week, but could become a problem over time. So the Swift Sport is definitely quick, but doesn’t have the nicest power curve.

The wheels compliment the styling well

And let’s not forget what high revs do to fuel economy either, leisurely driving is very good, regularly returning figures around the 7L/100km mark, but give it stick and you’ll empty the tank quickly, unsurprisingly really considering the weight and rev happy nature of this package. There is however something to be said for a rev happy small car, a certain level of fun is to be had making the engine whine incessantly in a short wheel base car flinging about. And if you do thrown mechanical sympathy to the wind, the Swift Sport is actually a very punchy little car from 5000rpm right up to the 7000rpm mark, it’s marked to 8, but the redline doesn’t seem much higher than 7.

When you are pushing hard though, in the correct manner both in the engine and handling department, despite all my criticism, it’s fun. And that’s important, especially for a limited edition model. Yes the build quality is poor, the ride too hard, the engine too weak for this capacity and the power often out of reach too often, but I say it again, you can have fun. So I like it, it is difficult to justify 200k for a small Suzuki that in a practical sense isn’t really that much quicker over very short robot-to-robot racing than say a 1.6 Polo thanks to the Polo’s widely available power and torque, but it is a limited edition. You can only possibly see 99 other Swift Sports, I see 99 Polo’s every few minutes. It definitely catches the eye and if you just can’t stand the thought of joining the crowd with ubiquitous cars such as the Polo, you can’t go wrong with the Swift Sport. In fact my only gripes are the stiff asking price, which can be justified by its limited edition nature, and the engine being corpse like below 5000rpm, it’s fine above that, but I would’ve preferred a different engine. Nevertheless the Swift Sport is a good package all round.

Kyle Stone

*Don’t feel bad if you had to look this up, I only learnt it recently reading a Mass Effect novel

Liked:

-Aggressive styling

-Decent Handling

Disliked:

-Numb steering

-Lacks low down grunt

-Ride too harsh

Vital Statistics

Engine: Four-cylinder nat-asp petrol

Capacity (cc) 1586

Power (kW) 92 @ 6800rpm

Torque (Nm) 148 @ 4800rpm

Kerb weight (kg) 1030

Driven wheels Front

Transmission: 5-speed manual

Wheel/tyre dimensions 195/45R17

0-100km/h 8.9s

Price R199 900(base)

[View with PicLens]

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Last weekend I took part in what should have really been an epic South African roadtrip. I was driving a nice car, with a bunch of petrolheads with the same family of vehicle and boundless enthusiasm for the product, all the way down to Durban for a weekend of sun, fun, and some high-octane thrills.

Having just completed the circa 2000km round trip though, it’s with a whole lot of sadness I have to report, that the classic “Great South African roadtrip” we all dream of and can in fact remember participating in no more than a decade ago, doesn’t exist any more. It’s dead. Crushed. Destroyed. An ancient relic of a world which no longer tolerates such light hearted frivolity.

It’s all very depressing in fact. How such an entrenched fantasy can have been quietly murdered, probably while fast asleep in its own bed, without any of us really noticing. When you do eventually realise it, the mourning associated with the sad reality is too little, too late. Or is it?

So what exactly am I over dramatizing now, some of you might ask?

It really all comes down to the way in which we’ve allowed the prohibitive, sneaky, underhanded and downright draconian enforcement of speed limits on our roads to evolve, unchecked and way out of control. As much as I despise cruise control, especially in a sporty 2-door coupe like the 370Z we were ensconced in, our entire 600km-plus journey back to Johannesburg was a dreary 120km/h electronically-controlled drudge punctuated by frantic adjustment down to 80, sometimes 60, depending on seemingly random variables which you just know some opportunistic piglet is going to have set up a camera on. Especially after being zapped while still in Natal, a ludicrous R600 for a meagre 20km/h over the national limit!

Not to mention the additional costs – fuel, toll roads, and time, which saw the Cape Town contingent which was originally heading down to join us shrink to just one car. And we couldn’t blame them either, it would have been a major investment for essentially a one-night braai!

That we’ve allowed ourselves, as a society, to be so browbeaten as to simply accept this increasingly oppressive approach to a pastime which used to bring us such largely consequence-free pleasure – the joy of climbing into your nice car for a blast down to the coast with your best mate or girl beside you – is a really sad inditement on what spineless little creatures we’ve become.

What happened to the pulse-quickening excitement of standing up for ourselves even in the face of seemingly difficult to overcome odds? Where is the yearning for freedom which brave men and women would lay down their lives for, purely on the basis of it being “right”? What became of our outrage and indignation at being herded into a neatly demarked corall of so-called civil society when our uniqueness as individuals is embedded in our very genetic coding? Where’s Mr Edgar Friendly of Demolition Man fame when you need him most?

Anyway, if we’re content to simply sit by the wayside while someone who doesn’t know us or in any way care about us dictates every detail of how we can and cannot live or die, while demonstrating an increasingly obvious intense dislike of anything we might actually enjoy or feel deeply passionate about, why continue with the façade of freedom of choice, of expression at all?

In the case I’m directly discussing here, I mean why are manufacturers of tasty cars like these not just informed that they can no longer so much as produce cars developing 250kW and capable of breezing past the posted speed limits at the merest flex of the right foot? Why not just make a blanket declaration that the manufacturing of such machines is illegal. After all, the exercising of them to even a fraction of their abilities certainly is. I mean it’s not like we say “Oh yes it’s perfectly OK for big companies to manufacture cocaine in large quantities, even though the consumption of the substance is completely and unequivocably banned all over the world!”.

A dwindling network of unrestricted highways in the middle of Europe and other very isolated places is not enough of a case to argue differently on. Nor are the racetracks dotted across the globe which some few members of the public might occasionally venture onto. Even the old “evolution is the human condition” clonker is nonsense – why not then direct that same energy and development along avenues that we can actually benefit from? Renewable energy perhaps, the eradication of crime, poverty alleviation, curing the incurable? Plumb the cash resources and man-hours into any one of these that a manufacturer puts into designing, engineering, and bringing to market the latest and greatest speed machines, and we’d be well on our way to solutions!

Why don’t all manufacturers just build horrible little econoboxes with 1-litre engines only capable of 120km/h anyway, if that’s the fastest we’re ever realistically going to be able to drive? Differentiate them with techie extras perhaps, visual details, even monster ICE installations. But to differentiate vehicles and price them based on a criteria which no longer has any real validity, their outright performance, seems like the biggest con of the century.

No doubt the Greenies are already foaming at the mouth in agreement, but don’t get me wrong, this rant is not about forcing manufacturers to stop making fun cars. I am not proposing that manufacturers quit building anything which could be construed as fun at all. I am simply pointing out the comedy of the situation, hopefully as a way to open all of our eyes regarding the stupidly small little box we as society have allowed ourselves to be packed into.

What we should be doing is campaigning, vociferously, relentlessly, and preferably on an international scale. This relentless destruction of the fast-becoming fabled human capacity for raw passion, this intense focus on the soft-target of so-called “crime” without ever bothering real criminals, this cracking-down on all forms of potential fun in exchange for larger government budgets, equals the insidious destruction of our very humanity.

Either we stand up and fight against this now, or we may as well just all buy Tata Nanos, identical nondescript gray suits, and start standing in line for our daily dosage of emtion-suppressant, a la the controversial Brave New World, or the excellent movie Equilibrium. A world devoid of emotional responses, freed from the human condition of striving for uniqueness, of reaching for ever-greater highs and thereby risking the deepest, darkest of lows.

A world, quite simply, of robots. Machines which happen to walk and breathe somewhat autonomously.

Russell Bennett

The 370Z is a real beauty though, isn’t it? Look at this gallery and imagine that the dreamy images it evokes are actually real, and you’ll probably find everything will be all right… in the end…

[View with PicLens]

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We get very spoilt, we motoring journos. You see, after having stepped out of a sporty Nissan coupe which I’d just spent a weekend down in Durban in, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to what was awaiting me. Even though what was awaiting me was a three-quarters of a million Rand BMW… a 535i with that muscular turbocharged petrol straight-six in fact.

Thing is though, the 5-Series Gran Turismo has always been one of those cars that just didn’t fit anywhere in my mind. What is it again? A four-door coupe-like saloon/SUV!!? What on Earth is that!??

It’s a decidedly weird one, even in the world of the crossover. And it was quickly followed-up by the X6 of course, which is the same thing. Except, apparently, it isn’t. Being an X, it has AWD, you see… or something. Ridiculous.

And speaking of ridiculous, the first thing I noted about the 5 GT, was the boot. Thinking maybe it was a 5 for the family man I checked the space available, only to find that it opens like a boot, and not like a hatchback which the sloping rear glass suggests. So although there is decent boot space, you have to “post” all your luggage in through a ludicrous hatch! A big fat zero on that score then. Apparently, either you can also open it like a hatch if you know the secret handshake, or you can specify it with a hatch-style door instead, which would help a little.

Getting in and getting comfortable however, the big Beemer felt lovely. Of course after the harsh ride of the 370Z, a luxury barge like this was always going to feel like a duck-feather pillow, but it was actually especially pleasant even so. And definitely more than an average 5-Series.

Apart from being sumptuously appointed, the GT also comes with literally all the gizmos you could want. And then they add in a few more over and above that. And a couple more, things you never knew you wanted, but really do. Things like the BMW Night Vision which is a fun toy, a HUD, iDrive with satnav in a 10.2-inch screen, a clever digital instrument panel, lane departure warnings, rear- and side-view cameras, Park Distance Control naturally, an electronic handbrake with auto-hold, uplifting mood lighting, active steering, active suspension, seat ventilation, rear seat entertainment and and and. Seriously, it’s major overkill.

Yes, many of the things on our press demonstrator won’t actually be in the one you buy from your dealer, unless you dig deeper and tick the relevant boxes when you order it. The press car comes just about fully loaded, but even without packing another R100K-plus onto the list price, most of the key extras are standard-fit, which is pretty rare on a BM these days. Either way, the spec is sumptuous.

The zero-effort Active assisted steering, silken 8-speed auto box, adjustable suspension and a wheelbase which is more akin to that of the 7-Series at well over 3m than a 5, all contribute to make the 5 GT just one of the most impressively serene rides you’ve ever come across, 19-inch rims or no doubt 20, even 21 notwithstanding. Lacking the height of a full SUV means less pitch, dive, and cornering roll, but the added height over a saloon gives a more imperious, commanding view of the road ahead as well as a more spacious impression to the cabin. It’s really a fairly neat compromise, and would be even if you sat at the back.

The 5 GT all comes together when you get behind the wheel then. It suddenly starts making some manner of sense, which I really wasn’t expecting, although the coupe-aping frameless windows do seem a bit overdone. An elegant coupe the mammoth 5 is absolutely not, frameless windows or no.

And that sales line is also, to an extent, why the 5 GT has been a bit confused. What I at first took to be an oversized sports coupe, like say a Panamera, is actually a more ground-hugging SAV. More comparable, in fact, to a Cayenne in many ways. But a bit more techie.

Naturally, dynamically, the story is not so good. We all know there’s plenty of muscle in that single-turbo, 3.0-litre straight-six, but you don’t really get a great impression of that here. At first the impressively sealed cockpit appears unwilling to let any outside noises disturb the 5 GTs occupants, but when you spin that motor right round to the redline in the most committed Sport+ setting, it manages to make a very pleasant sound. Almost V8-like in fact, an unusual statement to make of a BM straight-six, but some acoustical trick of the 5 GT gives it a distinctively off-beat tone. Either way, it’s nice, and not intrusively loud but nevertheless definitely audible.

But the relatively high ride height, weight in excess of 2000kg, and the smooth operation of that 8-speed gearbox do take the punch out of the 225kW/400Nm on tap. You shift pretty quickly up the road when you give it the beans yes, but there’s no sensation of the elasticity or strength of the torque wave you’re riding, no compressed-into-the-seat sensation of raw acceleration.

The sheer number of forward gears conspire to ensure that you do always think you’re going faster than you really are. Further acclimatisation would probably ease this sensation, but when you’re deep into the heart of fourth already and you come off to brake for a bend thinking you must be pushing 160, you’re surprised when you glance at the HUD and see that in fact only 120 is showing. Which can be a bit strange when you’re really in the flow with the box in ‘manual and the corners coming thick and fast – often third is the best for corners right up to 90-degrees when in any other car you’d have gone for second.

The auto box also seems to be powered by a processor a good few generations old. Even in Sport+ again, the software takes way too long to decide to kick down if left in auto, and you’ll be out the bend and going straight before it does even if you pinned the throttle as you turned-in. It isn’t much better in manual either, every application of power feeling like it’s being filtered through at the whim of the gearbox CPU rather than your right foot. But one thing that cannot be denied is the silken action of each and every shift, although not a dual-clutch transmission this thing delivers shifts as buttery-smooth as they are a little bit behind the pace in all situations.

It’s the identical story when you’re testing the limits of the chassis and suspension. In its default setting, the 5 GT smothers every pothole and floats over any rut. The long wheelbase helps to ensure it is never flustered or likely to jiggle your drink too much. It wafts along like a true limousine. So when you shift it up two notches to Sport+, it isn’t really too much of a surprise to find that even this clever adaptive suspension can’t really cope with the weight being hauled.

Pitch into a corner at speed, and you’ll get this sensation largely alien to BMW owners of just about any generation. Significant, noticeable delay between you pointing the wheel and the front end actually bothering to head in that direction rather than plough straight on. And there aren’t even any driving tricks you can use to avoid it, like lifting in an older 911 used to help key that cars front end onto the chosen line, once you’re past a certain speed the 5 GT corners like this no matter what hooliganism you attempt.

Getting the rear out to help isn’t really on the cards either. Because even with Sport+ engaged, which loosens the hold of the DSC nanny, and then DSC fully disabled (you have to do it after selecting Sport+ for some reason), you’re prevented from drifting effectively by that tardiness between throttle and the arrival of power at the rear wheels which feels attributable to the gearbox itself.

Besides, even with an inordinate amount of effort and enough tarmac to get into a constant-radius bend for the sake of sideways action, the 5 GT is too long, too heavy, and not well enough controlled to really be a natural. Slides are quickly corrected but not in a smooth or graceful fashion, the body lurching as the bottom sticks and the top continues along the weighty path of its momentum, before being suddenly arrested by the suspension and brought wobblingly back into line.

None of this manner of driving madness should ever mean anything to someone who owns, or wants to own, a 5 GT. And there are many thousands of you out there who do, this car was dubbed the “Follow-Me-Home” by the office, because Gauteng locals were attracted to it like metal shavings to an electromagnet. It’s something unique, you see. It makes the statement it ought to make – I’m rich and more important than you – without the cliché of the established clique.

What all these people ogling this car see and I’m sure want it to be, is an automotive palace of serenity and effortless power, with gloriously comfort-ladled and technology-boosted accommodation and a magic-carpet ride.

And that’s exactly what you do get with the 5 GT. A copious helping, in fact, of just that. Which is really something no conventional 5-Series provides, and even the range-topping 7-Series might struggle to beat with its commitment to some conventional design traits which today’s customer appears to be moving aggressively away from.

What the 5 GT also very effectively proves, is how slavishly the German manufacturers insist on competing with each other. Right at the end of the test, it finally became clear that this is BMWs somewhat quirkier riposte to Mercedes similarly rare R-class. And between these two, the 5 GT is definitely the better.

Russell Bennett

BMW 535i GT Second Opinion

After picking up the BMW 535i GT from the BMW head office in Midrand on a Friday, I was propelled forward into the circle of limousine drivers. This car or dare I say automobile is in the top end of the bracket when it come to purchasing a new ride.

My first impressions were not that favourable, this was a rather large vehicle and at which market was it aimed? When driving you realise that it does not go unnoticed, I received many friendly waves from the kids in the back and jealous glares from the parents in the front. I was amazed by how much people knew about the GT, quoting price and power and various other stats. This is by far not the prettiest of cars and is placed between a saloon and a SUV almost in a market of its own.

You quickly find that this is an extremely comfortable car with bucket loads of power, not the car to be driven around in but rather the car that you can get to grips with personally.

The gearbox is well sorted especially in its “manual” mode it becomes quite a driver’s car. I like the pulling back on the gear lever to change up and push forward to change down, unlike conventional auto boxes that push forward to change up. Pulling away from a standing start in a confined area is a little nervy as you depress the accelerator and nothing happens, then it seems like all hell breaks loose as all power comes on immediately. A little embarrassing when parking as one tends to bunny- hop up to the wall in front of you.

Power on the freeway is almost effortless; this is a car our local speed enforcer will love, because of the total lack of any feeling of speed.  Without the Speedo cruise which works faultlessly most 535i GT drivers would find themselves parked on the side of the road listing their detail to the men and women in uniform more often than not.

The consumption at first glance of 12.5l/100km seems a little stiff, but not when you are moving around more than two tons with this amount of grace and poise. The one failing was boot space – not in size but accessibility; shopping bags have to be “pushed in” from the small access space, not placed down like in a conventional boot

This was not a car I would ever consider buying, but my first impressions were definitely proven wrong. The more time you spend with the BMW the more you are impressed. Definitely for the successful person who has no fear of letting this fact be known.

Mark Walshaw

Liked:

Extreme comfort

All the attention

Disliked:

Whacky styling

Ridiculous boot

Drive Statistics: BMW 5-Series GT

Engine: 2979cc six-cylinder turbocharged petrol

Transmission: 8-speed automatic

Power (kW) 225 @ 5800rpm

Torque (Nm) 400 @ 1200-5000rpm

Kerb weight (kg) 2015

Driven wheels Rear

0-100km/h 6.3s

Tyre Dimensions: Front: 245/40 8.5J X 19

Rear: 275/40 9.5J X 19

Price: R737 000

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No burning 458's here, I'm not that cruel

As great and hot as the Ferrari 458 Italia is, it seems Ferrari have finally decided it may be just a little too hot. A voluntary recall has been issued on the 458, this in the wake of several gaining internet notoriety thanks to them being on fire. 1,248 cars are apparently affected, the problem being an adhesive used in the wheelarch heatshield that can melt if subjected to high enough temperatures. If this happens the wheelarch might collapse in on itself, making contact with the exhaust, and even if you’ve never felt how hot an exhaust can get, I’m sure you can work out what happens next. The solution is replacing the adhesive with a rivet attached heatshield, because the Italians have finally worked out that glue melts, and is often flammable, well done on that. And for the unlucky few, I think it was five, that did have to witness their 458′s viking funeral, they’ll be getting a shiny new one free of charge, if it can be proved that the adhesive was at fault of course.

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We spotted one of the racy-looking new Megane Coupes on the road down to East London recently. Very pretty, it’s got a look not dissimilar to the gorgeous Scirocco, a profile we’re getting more and more accustomed to of late with various rivals releasing similarly-proportioned models. And really striking in a Lamborghini-esque nuclear orange.

But when the driver, his wife, and two kids climbed out we were surprised. For the same number of people, and even though our kids are younger, we were doing the trip in a Mazda CX-7 after all! And yet none of them seemed at all crippled by chronic numbness of limbs or anything, so that got me thinking that perhaps there’s more to the extended but flattened body of the new Megane than at first meets the eyes.

Now we motoring journalists often don’t exactly enjoy the luxury of choice, and our road-test new Megane wasn’t the sultry two-door, but the far more family-friendly 5-door hatch. In a decidedly plain shade of silver to boot. With a 1400 cc engine.

Obviously though, a 1.4 is a little titchy for this class of car, so in keeping with modern norms this motor does have a turbocharger plumbed-in to the inlets allowing it to produce an at least acceptable level of go. At least it sounds like it should, with 130kW on tap, although the torque of 190Nm is hardly commendable for a force-fed engine. Thank the tiny capacity for that. This equates to a claimed top speed of 200km/h on the nose, and an uninspiring 9.6s for the 0-100km/h sprint.

Speaking of uninspiring, well unfortunately although the 2-door version has very appealing lines, I’m afraid that this mundane 5-door is pretty well summed-up by that word. It’s uninspiring in almost every way, which is unfortunate for a brand which used to be so flamboyant. The little motor tries, and does return brilliant economy for the most part, but when you’re really on the gas the consumption falls to “ordinary” levels, but the performance never lifts above this boring description either. It’s never fast, never feels particularly muscular, and although it gets pleasingly raspy higher up in the rev range, that’s about the only advantage to chasing the red line.

Yes, it does have good torque all the way through the range, which basically means you can short-shift into top and still outpull a smoky truck up a hill. Yay.

As for dynamics, it’s the same, dull story once again. The 5-door Megane is simply adequate in all areas – if anything it’s a little soft for our taste of course, which tend to lean towards the sportier side of the spectrum, but the front end is fairly planted and the rear never does anything beyond what you expect it to, and even then only with reluctance ultimately.

What does perhaps lift it out of the terminally ordinary pack owned by the Toyota Corolla, is the comprehensive spec you get for your R249 900. There’s an integrated TomTom navigation system just for starters, electric front windows only which is a bit mean, automatic lights and wipers, front fogs, the Renault “Keyless Go” smart card system, airbags all over for front and rear passengers, dual-zone climate control and MP3-compatible CD/Radio with integrated Bluetooth. That’s a lot of kit for a Rquarter-mill car.

In a bid to dispel the common fears of expensive parts and poor reliability, Renault also includes one of the most comprehensive service and warranty plans in the market with this price. The car will be serviced by the manufacturer for 5 years and 100 000kms, while the warranty also lasts 5 years but stretches all the way to 150 000kms. Clearly, these Frenchies are trying to make a point, although the fact that they have to try so hard to make this point is unfortunate to begin with, if you think about it.

Now who would’ve that that adding two more doors would make such a difference? The Coupe was a car which really turned my head, made me dead keen to get into one. Yet now that I’ve sampled the mundane flavour, and know that bar the diesel this 1.4T remains the most exciting engine on offer in that format, I’m really not so interested anymore. One of those cars which prizes form over function by far.

At least it has that, the 5-door lacking even the graceful lines of the coupe. It’s almost like Renault has lost the will to really shake it’s booty, today preferring to rather, well, eliminate such extraneous elements altogether. There’s no real booty to shake anymore, and certainly nothing with which to shake effectively anyway. And the Logan-looking Megane sedan must be just crushingly dull.

We guess we’ll have to wait for the RS variant, if it ever does arrive on local shores, for our helping of that Renault dynamic magic. Here’s praying it’s not a no-show. Or one of those great cars that arrives on local shores just moments after it completely stops selling internationally, because it’s so old…*cough* Ford *cough*

Russell Bennett

Liked: Good spec, with integrated TomTom

Cosseting ride

Good consumption

Disliked: General blandness infused in all areas

Not nearly as sultry as the Coupe

Drive Stats: Renault Megane 5-door hatch 1.4T

Engine: Turbocharged four-cylinder petrol)

Capacity (cc) 1397

Power (kW) 130

Torque (Nm) 190

Kerb weight (kg) 1310

Driven wheels Front

Wheel/tyre dimensions 205/55 R16

0-100km/h 9.6s

Price R249 900

Images courtesy of Renault SA and www.quickpic.co.za.

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DS4, Not quite as bold as the DS3

Buoyed no doubt by the positive response to the capable DS3, Citroen have decided to add the DS moniker to their 4-series vehicle, and now we have the first official images of the DS4. It’s set to make its debut at the 2010 Paris Motor Show followed by, if all goes to plan, sales beginning sometime in 2011. Though the top model DS4 will be more powerful than its DS3 equivalent, the styling isn’t as bold, it looks very attractive indeed but if you were hoping for a similarly unusual design as the DS3 I’m afraid you’ll be left disappointed.

Whilst it may not seem like it at first glance, the DS4 does offer some level of 4-door practicality, because whilst it’s tough to spot thanks to the concealed handles, this is a 4-door model. The boot is spacious as well with a 370 litre capacity, so if the illusive combination of coupe styling plus sedan practicality is what you seek, this could be worth a look. It’s however shorter than the C4 upon which it is based, measuring 4.27m in length which will no doubt limit space a little, particularly in the back.

The DS4’s interior is looking good so far, enhanced significantly by Citroen’s favourite party trick, the panoramic windscreen, and made with better materials than the C4 as well as superior trim levels the DS4 should be a pleasant place to spend your time trundling along in traffic. Just like the DS3 customers will have extensive customisation options to choose from, there are for example five leather options including two-tone options.

If you do manage to escape the monotony of traffic however, Citroen are promising a dynamic and engaging driving experience. The handling has received plenty of attention from Citroen, fitting MacPherson suspension units in the front and thankfully the steering won’t be all electric. There is an electric pump but the steering will be hydraulic. Although not standard across all trim levels, large 340mm diameter ventilated brake discs can be fitted, which should provide plenty of stopping power when working in conjunction with all the electronic gadgetry provided. ABS of course, Electronic Brakeforce Distribution, Emergency Brake Assist, and then the also obligatory ESP traction control, it’s all provided to keep drivers on the road, hopefully.

That looks almost Megane-like, not as unique as the DS3 then

The DS4 will be available with four different engine options, although perplexingly for a DS that includes two diesel engines, and all will be Euro 5 spec. The diesels are the HDi 110 and HDi 160, featuring Citroen’s Diesel Particulate Filter, but who cares anyway. The proper petrol engines are far better, the options being VTi 120, THP 155 and THP 200. Confusing naming conventions aside, what we have been able to discern is that the THP 200 is the ubiquitous but excellent and highly flexible 1.6L engine developed by BMW. Although the Peugeot Citroen group are constantly claiming it was a co-developed engine, I have my doubts. Anyway, in the DS4 guise it produces 147kW (hence the 200 in the name I presume) and 275Nm of torque.

Hopefully Citroen will be able to repeat the success of the DS3, on paper it does seem to add up, so we’ll definitely be looking forward to this one.

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It’s Alfa’s centenary year I’m sure you know, and as such I’m also sure you’ve been waiting  with bated breath for the inevitable Limited Edition commemorating the occasion, everyone’s doing it nowadays. Well, it’s here, and my word is it a looker, which considering Alfa’s heritage and philosophy over the years, is not surprising at all. The Alfa GT Limited Edition is a very special version of the GT 3.2, not just special, but very special. Alfa’s words not mine, I wouldn’t want you to think I’m biased or anything. Naturally they’ll all be numbered for the purposes of bragging rights, but sadly only a mere 30 will find there way to South Africa.

The number 30 however isn’t the one you want to know about though, it’s the number next to kW in the spec sheet, and everything related to that. The GT Limited Edition’s 3.2 Quadcam V6 produces 176kW, which if I’m honest isn’t what I’d hoped considering the huge power Alfa have been able to extract from much smaller MultiAir engines, not that 176kW isn’t enough. This seems particularly true when considering the 0-100km/h can be dealt with in a decidedly timeous 6,7s. Top speed is 243km/h, and Alfa claim a combined cycle fuel consumption of 12,4L/100km, which is okay, but considering the ring-its neck heritage of Alfa, and that this is a Limited Edition, I can see many of the 30 owners returning far worse figures than that on a regular basis.

The trim level of the standard GT is already fairly impressive, but of course it’s what sets this model apart from the standard GT that’s important. And immediately you notice the gorgeous rims in this regard, the five spoke 18-inch alloys are limited to this GT and complement the overall design well. The interior leather is finished with red stitching in a design also unique to this model. The Alfa red theme is continued with the brake calipers that are painted red, a limited edition Alfa needs Italian racing colours wherever a spot can be found after all. The remaining special touches are rather limited and subtle, aluminium pedals for instance, but overall the package works well on paper.

Arguably the best bit about this GT is that it costs the same as the normal GT, R395 100, which for a collectors Alfa is certainly worth looking into. The only silly thing about the price is that the government has decided to put an additional 15 grand onto that price so it can, no, I’m not sure what they plan to do with these new taxes. I’d make some derogatory comments about this, but let’s be honest, press freedom is almost gone here in SA so maybe I’ll just keep quiet instead.

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It’s Alfas centenary this year, 2010. One full century that the company has been in business, not just building cars, but in fact, building a pretty epic legend. The glories of Alfa’s past very publically on track and much more privately along the back roads of the world built enough momentum to somehow maintain the brand through a whole series of somewhat less-than-epic models. Alfa Romeo still basically means petrolhead, like Lotus, and Lancia, Ferrari, you get the deal.

So Alfa’s first-generation MiTo was perhaps even a bit over-anticipated. The hopes and dreams of not only a company but a veritable legion of eternally loyal tifosi suddenly seemed pinned on just one set of petit arches, with cheekily generous wheelarch extensions yes but still. A small, funky, “city car” bearing the hallowed name.

When it worked, but wasn’t quite all that exactly, there was a sense of … expectancy. Everyone sort of held their breath, the first-generation car was so almost, that rather than pass judgement right off the bat, and given the legend of the brand being judged, most seemed content to wait and see where they could evolve the MiTo to. After all, rumours of a hotter Quadrifoglio version weren’t denied…

But rather than just release the QF, Alfa Romeo then went ahead and did something interesting. They released a new engine, or rather a brand new engine technology – MultiAir, and from this development two variants of the first 1.4-litre turbocharged MultiAir offering were born, and two new MiTos. The full-fat 125kW QF, and this 100kW version which we have here in the new entry-level MiTo, the Progression.

Great news really. Although the power only falls 14kW on paper compared to the older 1.4 T-Jet of the original MiTo, the price has come down by a hefty R17K, to R227 900. Apparently the MultiAir technology will also mean more fuel efficiency than ever, beefier low-end torque, and basically the full magical conversion of emissions into daffodils. Wow.

Well, that’s gone and done it then, surely? I’m not normally very complimentary of these eco-built cars, and a green Alfa in particular should bear the full brunt of my ire, surely? A dedicated drivers’ car turned eco? Must be hateful surely.

But now, rarely indeed, I must report that in the case of the MiTo Progression, I’m not against an eco-minded approach one iota! You see, a quick glance at the stats will already have revealed what the seat of my pants tells me as soon as I floor the throttle for the first time. This doesn’t really feel any slower than the original version. And in fact, it’s only .3s down in the 0-100 sprint, with a top speed shy by just a couple of km/h compared to the 114kW.

And this new Progression is actually an even better car than the original. It has very much become what we all wanted of the MiTo in the first place. It may be titchy, but it’s a real drivers’ car, an Alfa’s Alfa. Allow me to elaborate.

The Alfa seduction all begins, as ever, with the bodywork. In fact, the company was founded on the idea that cars need not only be efficient at their jobs, but pretty to look at as well. And the MiTo isn’t one of those “ugly-pretty” Alfas either, its long, 8C-aping snout flows gracefully into the frameless door of the sultry coupe body style, is punctuated by noticeably chunky but certainly not vulgar wheelarches front and rear, and concludes at a cheeky little hatchbacked rump complete with round light clusters reminiscent of that other famous Italian brand, Ferrari.

Open the large door and climb aboard, and it’s endearingly eccentric. The top of the dash is plastered with red leather to match the exterior paintjob, the seats are cloth with plenty of race red stitching, the dials easily visible and bearing the curvy Alfa Romeo script in the corner of the tacho. There’s even, shock and horror, plenty of space even for someone larger than average like myself to get comfortable in. The only real foible, and without one it just wouldn’t be an Alfa, is the large and unobtrusive clutch-foot “rest” just left of this pedal in the footwell. And if you haven’t fallen over already, it all feels rather well-made and solidly built – apart from another traditional Alfa feature, a squeaky clutch pedal, the cabin was rattle-free and just a real pleasure to be in.

Just as important as the appearance, in fact to us petrolheads even more important, is how the new MiTo drives, however. So fire up the 1.4 MultiAir with a traditional key, and immediately you know that Alfa has got this one right. Nagging eco echoes notwithstanding.

The new motor fires with a lovely rasp, instantly alluring and more with much more promise than the paper stats would suggest. There are definite acoustic hints of great, small-capacity Alfas of old in there too, perhaps a little bit of sud and a healthy dose of GT. It’s fabulous.

And it pulls with gusto too. There’s very little lag, and the motor starts hauling strongly quite low-down, but also has an addictive high-revs rush to the delivery which cements its greatness.

The fact that the new motor doesn’t dominate the experience, however, is perhaps even more telling for Alfa enthusiasts who have been holding their collected breath. It’s very good, but the remainder of the driving experience easily matches it, so at the end of every drive you’re left more in love with the car as a whole, not just one element of its stellar performance.

The suspension in this entry-level model is very compliant, so that despite the modest kerb weight just north of 1100kgs, the MiTo has a superbly comfortable ride. It soaks up the punishment from broken tarmac beautifully, but miraculously also manages to do so without feeling disconnected, or disinterested, in the drive. No, this is one keen little car, eager to be flung with gay abandon down any back road you points its wheels at, revved to the very limit and hustled with driven front wheels screaming through every well-sighted sweeper.

The chassis feels positively planted at first, but once you start to up the ante it becomes downright playful with you. Throw it into a bend slightly too fast and on a trailing throttle, and the rear will swing enthusiastically around to help you out, and being front-wheel driven, catching this is as easy as pointing your wheels straight and climbing back on the throttle at the right time.

It’s utterly brilliant. At 8/10ths, which is a point many of its owners will never push beyond, it’s just about unmatched in this class. And, it makes the madly costly Golf 1.4 Twincharged thing look like a joke, having all the thrust, all the economy benefits, and a much lower price.

When it blew off a Mercedes Sport Coupe 230 Kompressor, I was completely smitten. It’s quicker than it feels, quicker than it’s outputs suggest. And decidedly quicker than any other new car coming in at R230K! On top of that it’s fun to hustle, taps that all-important emotional motoring core we enthusiasts nurture, and looks absolutely brilliant to boot.

There are weaknesses though. And I repeat, it is an Alfa after all…

The first, is the same thing I just spoke about thoroughly enjoying, the soft suspension setup which gives it such a cossetting ride but is still up for some fun. When you’re at 8/10ths commitment, this is superb, but push all the way through to 10/10ths and it starts to be a minor issue. Sharp ridges for instance quickly send the shocks to the limits of their travel and an awful thwack through the chassis itself, while rapid-frequency oscillations of the tarmac set up an interesting little vibration which compromises the stability of the car.

The second, is the lack of a sixth cog. It’s particularly odd given that this cars natural gait seems to settle at about 160 – 180km/h, very impressive for the size and price. But then from there to the max speed just north of 200 is a pretty short trip, suggesting that even with just 100kW an extra gear could be well utilised by this little car.

Finally, there’s the economy. Which when you’re driving as it demands to be driven, like a proper little sports car, is atrocious. I was averaging 8.1l/100km by the end of our time with the MiTo, and although this doesn’t sound bad, particularly spirited drives saw me wipe out half a tank of fuel and add only 160kms to the odo… so hitting 8 was a mix of restrained highway cruising and these faster back-road jaunts.

Maybe, in fact, four problems. The traction control isn’t switchable, and this has some safety concerns. I found that when you have the MiTo fully-loaded in the heart of a bend, and you jump on the power a little early to get the front end scrabbling wide to the exit while also accelerating the car forwards, the TC detects wheelspin and shuts the power down. This has the same effects as going, quite hard, for the brakes mid-corner, and the rear slews around more pendulously than playfully. Should the TC keep the engine stifled for just too long in this situation, there could be serious repercussions, not to mention the fact that you don’t expect the back of your FWD super hatch to be trying to overtake you just when you’re accelerating out of a tricky bend at first!

Having said all that however, there’s just too many positive aspects to this MiTo Progression to make any of these niggles at all meaningful if you’re looking for something small, sometimes frugal, and distinctively sporty. You won’t find better than a MiTo Progression at this sort of price, I can tell you. It’s evocative, deeply charming, cute as a button, and yet a proper little drivers’ Alfa, all rolled up into one machine. If this had launched last year, I reckon the current SAGMJ Car of the Year might have had an altogether prettier face!

For your R227 900, you even get a standard 6-year/90 000km warranty. Although, that does make a bit more sense when you spot that the MiTo only requires servicing every 30 000kms, so they basically give you three free services with your purchase. Still, that’s more than what VW gives away in this department.

Russell Bennett

Liked: Sporty ambience

Punchy engine, with a great growl

Unchanged MiTo styling

Compliant suspension

Long service intervals

Disliked: Fuel consumption when pushed

Bottoming-out through big compressions

Unkillable ESP

Vital Statistics: Alfa Romeo MiTo Progression

Engine: Four-cylinder turbocharged petrol

Capacity (cc) 1368

Power (kW) 100 @ 5000rpm

Torque (Nm) 206 @ 1750rpm

Kerb weight (kg) 1135

Driven wheels Front

Transmission: 5-speed manual

Wheel/tyre dimensions 195/55 R16

0-100km/h 8.4s

Price R227 900(base)

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LG, Sony, Nintendo, basically all the big names in consumer entertainment, are all crowing about one thing at this point. The 3D TV phenomenon. And while it’s pretty cool, I’m eagerly awaiting something else…

3D stills. Naturally, once the technology to capture and display 3D moving pictures is ubiquitous, the stills won’t be far behind. And that, will allow the retirement at long last of one of my least favourite old motoring journalism clichés, one which I have to use again now because it just happens to be true, “It looks much better in the flesh than in photographs.”

It’s just so trite, so annoying. But when the full glory of 3D imagery becomes mainstream, it won’t be applicable anymore. Take this car, the updated Nissan Qashqai, in this instance in +2 form. The problem with a still image of this car is that its sumptuous curves and seductive, complex shapes just become flat when represented on an only 2-dimensional plane. Bring that all-important third dimension into the equation, that z-plane, that depth of view, and it’s quite a breathtaking little car. In fact, it overshadows the handsome 18-inch rims that were what really caught my eye most in the press release shots.

The front end in particular, is a riot of perfectly proportioned lumps, humps, and swoops which are just deeply, undeniably graceful and, yes, absolutely feminine. In fact, perhaps it’s just me, but I found the view from the front to be almost embarrassingly sensual – I often found myself averting my gaze guiltily as if I’d just been busted by my wife ogling the provocatively, artfully low-cut accoutrement Salma Hayek fills out to such arousing effect!

It’s a bit less potent a sensation from the rear, but still retains certain hints of this carnal desire – the way the rear glass pinches together in the middle as it comes to the metal tailgate area looks very much like the “Angel wings” a perfectly sculpted swimsuit model will gaily tease the male heterosexuals within 50 metres of her with. The side profile may be a bit heavy to continue the analogy, but is nevertheless quite elegant with that clearly-defined rising waistline, and very petit considering this +2 will carry 7 occupants.

Now, speaking of those rear seats, I’d ordinarily automatically be spouting that they’re “too small for anything but the teeniest of occupants anyway” here, but I’ve just popped outside to examine them more thoroughly and I must say, they really aren’t all that bad! Even with the middle row of seats pushed all the way back (they’re adjustable, on runners, which is awesome), there might not be a lot of depth to the footwell as the seats are mounted quite low to ensure adequate headroom, but there’s a fair deal of length available. Certainly an adult would be cramped. But a kid just entering their teens would more than just make do. Strangely, although branded a +2, there’s a third ‘belt at the rear as well, although because of the intrusion of the rear wheel arches there isn’t enough width for three to sit abreast.

And, you still get a sliver of a boot with enough width to get a decent shop in with the rears fixed in position. Without looking all overweight and blobby on the outside, in fact quite the reverse as the pervier side of me has already explained. That’s remarkable packaging right there.

What’s more, the interior isn’t only surprisingly spacious, it also has a brilliant “feel good” aura to it. Sure the upholstery is cloth, but it feels a durable material without being scratchy, the white stitching along the edges is neat and lifts the mood beautifully, and the cushions themselves both backrest and derriere regions actually scalloped and sculpted very ergonomically, which also adds to their aesthetics when not occupied.

All of these contrasting positives might sound to you like I’m blowing the proverbial smoke up your and Nissan SA’s rears as I so often accuse other motoring titles of doing, but seriously! You can just tell that the Qashqai has been designed by people who are not only engineering champions, but also actually give a damn about providing Qashqai customers with an emotional connection with their cars as well.

Now here comes the biggie of course. As usual, it probably isn’t the major factor to people actually buying the Qashqai +2 – they’re likely to already have either fallen for it or found something even more practical – but it’s important to us, and we assume, most of you. How does this Nissan Crossover actually drive?

We’ve got the 2-litre petrol model here, with six-speed manual box. What a pleasure, no flappy-paddles, no clattering diesel! Of course, that means it doesn’t have anything like the punch of the pricier 2.0-litre dCi model, but then I’m genuinely happy to trade outright muscle for a more naturally, zingy, free-revving petrol experience.

This engine does rev quite well and is pleasantly smooth in its delivery, but there isn’t a lot of meat there. The 1.6-litre base model must feel absolutely flaccid. It isn’t that the Qashqai +2 is painfully slow, it actually shifts along quite nicely when you’re extending it, it’s just that it doesn’t really engage the driver on any level. The engine is so refined, the cabin so insulated, that with the radio just a couple of clicks up from mute you don’t hear it working. The clutch is so light that it feels as though the bite point spans about three inches of its travel – it’s somewhere in there but you can’t ever tell where exactly. And the gearshift, well it’s not bad if a little bit rubbery.

Steering isn’t bad though, and you can tell that this car is really trying to do what Nissan claims – compete with the family hatchback as well as the MPV. This FWD-only version turns-in well and feels generally eager to have a play, but there is more roll than you’d get in a hatchback because of the higher CoG.

Overall performance from the 102kW, 198Nm 2.0-litre four is really fine. Nought to one-hundred in a fraction over 10 seconds at coastal altitudes thanks in part to a pretty reasonable kerb weight of just 1334kg, which is also why the handling can be enjoyed once you’ve delivered your appointed load of kids to their destination safely.

It is packed with goodies inside. There’s an MP3-compatible and Bluetooth-equipped Radio/CD, controlled by conventional means or through the multifunction steering wheel. Buttons on the wheel also access cruise control functions and scroll through the on-board computer displayed on an LCD screen in the dash. Dual-zone climate control, electric windows and mirrors all round, automatic lights and wipers, halogen globes, a full complement of airbags, everything. In fact, glance down the spec sheet at this Qashqai+2 2.0 Acenta, and you’ll notice that just everything listed is “Standard” on this car. Even those 18-inchers won’t cost you a cent more than the R303 500 asking price!

Of course, good value, and exceptional durability, are the cornerstones of the Nissan brand, and the Qashqai certainly provides the first. As for Nissan toughness – impossible to tell in just a week of course, although there is this general feeling of lightness which suggests that it may not quite match the Hardbody in this category. Still, nothing fell off, the dashboard was nice and tight and didn’t squeak, the only foible we found was that the radio had a mind all of its own and would suddenly and unexpectedly double or halve the set volume completely at random.

For the tidiness of the rest of the package, and of course for that pert-but-buxom exterior, I could live with a little quirk like that. And at just north of R300K, you can see why so many people agree – the original Qashqai has been a runaway sales success across the globe.

There’s no reason why this more family-friendly +2 model won’t follow suit. It’s a really worthy car.

By the way, anyone a bit confused by the headline of this piece, it was a too-clever suggestion that the Qashqai is just as exciting stationary as it is on the move… Obscure, yes we know.

Russell Bennett

Liked: Fabulous looks

Killer specs

Built with objectives, and meets every one

Disliked: Mad radio

Slightly tinny feel

Rubber in the ‘box

Vital Statistics: Nissan Qashqai+2 2.0 Acenta

Engine: Four-cylinder petrol

Capacity (cc) 1997

Power (kW) 102 @ 5200rpm

Torque (Nm) 198 @ 4400rpm

Kerb weight (kg) 1334

Driven wheels Front

Transmission: 6-speed manual

Wheel/tyre dimensions 215/55 R18

0-100km/h 10.5s

Price R303 500 (base)

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This, is one fuel-saving “technology”, that I really have to give full and unconditional endorsement to…

Toyota are saying that they can save you about 10% on your consumption, by making you drive with – get this, a glass of water on your dash!

At least, not wanting to be responsible for shorting our radios and ruining the facia generally, the company says you should drive while envisioning a glass of water on your dash – and obviously also imagining not wanting to spill that water, which is a bit hard, because it’s imaginary water. If it was real, you really wouldn’t want to spill it, right? Let’s get real then gents…

If your imaginations isn’t that good, Toyota has provided you with a downloadable iPhone app, so if you use one of Apple’s ‘phones you can download the app, put your phone on the dash, and let the accelerometer in this device work overtime and simulate how the water in the glass would be moving, swirling and spilling. It’ll even calculate for you how much fluid you did mess all over your car per trip, and since you started using the app. Just pop on over to www.aglassofwater.org and check it out.

It sounds a little hare-brained. But actually quite true, I’m sure, because as the company says, driving as if you have a glass of water on your dash (or your lap, maybe?) does make you accelerate more gently, leave larger braking distance, brake more smoothly and steer less aggressively – smoothing all your inputs and therefore making the most efficient use of the energy being produced by the motor, hence the best fuel efficiency that car can achieve!

And there are two reasons I must endorse this.

It’s just about the first useful fuel-saving advice that doesn’t just say that “To save fuel you need to BUY ONE OF OUR PRICIER AND LESS POWERFUL MODERN ALTERNATIVES RIGHT NOW NOW NOW! AND DUMP THAT OLD GAS GUZZLER OF YOURS RIGHT IN THE NEAREST LANDFILL!”  This advice will work with all cars, in all conditions, nations, any size or age of engine – in short it’s one of those universal, simple, easy to understand observations that, also crucially, you can do if environmentalism and fuel economy are important to you. Can, and not have to. Subtle, but important.

But also, it’s universally-known that driving using this technique is what created the legendary Anime drift-race god, Takumi Fujiwara from Initial D. Driving his oh-so-wise father’s tuned Hachi-Roku (Toyota AE-86) over the Akina mountain pass every day since before the legal driving limit turns this unforgettable modern fiction character into a potent, almost supernatural driving force. Which despite his own reluctance, gets periodically unleashed on stages created from real locations in Japan, against street-racing opponents driving very realistic and precisely technically accurate current street racing legends.

Somehow, naturally, Tak and his Hachi are downright gifted enough to see off everything, from Lan Evos to race-prepped Cappuccinos, every generation of GT-R bar R35 and even the blinding Mazda RX-7. Sounds totally unrealistic, although it should be noted that Tak is a downhill specialist…

So if there’s any merit to this cleverly-imagined mythical training concept, and if you think about it reasonably, there easily could be… then I’d definitely like to throw my full support behind it. Download that app and start measuring. The less litres you virtually splosh all over your car and yourself, the better your fuel consumption will be, and the more likely you’ll have developed the skill to drift into blind mountain hairpins at 120. And even if you never actually do anything like that, you’ll have increased your level of basic car control some, and be well on your way to knowing a bit more about restraint which is equally valuable.

Russell Bennett